i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
