You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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