I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
