lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
