the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
