I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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