dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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