Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
