my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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