I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
