thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
