Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
tell me about the fingering
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