Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
