Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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