Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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