Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
