Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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