this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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