so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
