If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
