I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize