Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
