I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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