Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
