My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
thus making me awesome and them whores
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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