Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
