is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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