Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
