I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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