That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy