There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.