If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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