Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
