The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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