I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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