ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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