Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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