guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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