His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
