I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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