Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
