After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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