apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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