my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
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Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.