My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.