my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL