HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.