Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice