If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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