no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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