I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
