i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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