dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
