Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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