Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
