i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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